I'm too kinky for my body. - An autobiographical story from J. v. d. V.
I'm too kinky for my body. - An autobiographical story from J. v. d. V.
We all remember that song from Right said Fred I'm too sexy for my shirt. I took the freedom to use that title and change it to I'm too kinky for my body.
According to my psychologist I have an very high score for emotional stability, in other words I am very good in disguising how I really feel, I have a very low score on conflict management, I tend to go conflicts out of the way. Furthermore, due to experiences in my school time (bullying etc), it is very hard for me to show or talk about my feelings.
To him it was no wonder that I got depressed and, in combination with the very demanding project I was in, to end up in a burn-out.
Why do I tell you all this?
I am going to try to write down how I feel inside. To tell you about all the love and the kinkiness I have inside me. But which, unfortunatly, I can not bring into practice.
During primary school I played doctor with a girl of my class. We just explored each other genitals, but without any sexual intentions. What I remember is, that she had a quite massive clitoris. If we would play with each other again now, I think I could give her a lot of oral pleasure.
Later at the end of primary school and begin on secondary school I also had my first experience with sexual contact with a boy. But back than it never went further than touching each other penises and rubbing our glands against each other.
My first sexual and kinky experience dates back to about 14 years old. I posted it as a story on a Dutch erotic stories board, but here the English version...
Horny bus ride
This story is more than 25 years ago, when I was a boy of 14 years old.
I was in the midst of discovering my sexuality.
It was a hot summer afternoon, I just came back from the dentist and went home by bus. The bus was filled with commuters who came from their work, and I had to stand. I found a place near the large central doors and stood against a low separation wall. Because of the warmth I had my arms lightly spread and lay my hands against the bulkhead next to me.
After a few stops, a woman got on the bus. Then she was a lady, but now I estimate it her at about 25 years old.
She wore jeans and a thin sweater, and hold a plastic bag in her hand.
She came and stood besides me. I did not had the time to pull my hand away. Her buttocks came in to contact with the back of my hand. I expected an angry look in my direction, but that didn't happen.
At first I didn't dare to move my hand, but after a few minutes, and increasing penetration of her body heat in my hand, I got more courage. Slowly I moved my hand a bit. Still she did not respond, while it was really obvious she should feel it.
At that time the bus slowed down a bit, and she moved slightly forward. I used that moment to turn my hand around. When she moved back, her buttocks were lying in my open hand. Now I could fumble her buttocks a bit more, while keeping an eye without directly looking at her. I thought to see, that she glanced at me.
I felt her soft buttocks, and slowly moved my hand to her anal cleft, and even a little more down. Now I could place a finger under her buttocks, while the rest of my fingers still touched her buttocks.
She shifted her feet a bit so that her legs came slightly apart. I took this as a sign, and let my fingers slip between her legs. I could feel the seam where her jeans were sewn together. My hand was now almost completely under her bottom, between her legs. My middle finger sat in the vicinity of her vagina, and I moved it with gentle upward pressure in small circles.
Suddenly she walked forward toward the driver and I, quickly, put my hand flat against the bulkhead. I saw her talking to the driver, and I expected a really bad driver coming down to me, to kick me from the bus (or worse). But this did not happen, and after a few moments she came back, throwing a glance at me, and took her place again. She lifted the plastic bag so that what was hanging before her crotch.
I let my hand slide between her legs again, just what they allowed. My hand slid between her legs a little farther, so that my fingers reached the front of her crotch and with the heel of my hand I turned small circles, so I massaged her pubic lips. I had my thumb slightly inwards, so that I could move back and forth to the place where according to my estimation her clitoris should be.
I heard her moan softly, and breathing increased. To mask it, she occasionally faked a cough, her mouth turning to her shoulder, so she did not have to move the plastic bag.
After about 10 minutes the driver gave her a call, she squeezed her legs slightly as a sign that I should withdraw my hand, she moved the plastic bag, and she pressed the stop button. I patted her on her buttocks.
The bus slowed and stopped at a bus stop. She walked to the door and got of the bus, turned around and stood at the bus stand, as she looked at me. The moment the doors were closed, and the bus made preparations to move, she gave me a nod and blew me a kiss.
Later that day, I imagined what could have happened if I had the guts to get of the bus too together with her.
In the years since. I've often thought about this incident and the fact that I've actually been quite lucky, because she could have easily accused me of a sexual assault. But I think she also found a horny experience ... And maybe a reader will recognize herself in it ...
Yes, that was quite a horny experience.
The first time I really had sex with a girl, was with my girlfriend at that time, Delilah.
She was a very beautiful, half-Jewish girl, long black hair, dark eyes...
It happened in the summer of 1986, in her bedroom, and the musical background was Equinox of Jean-Michel Jarre (still one of my favourites). And although we both knew, theoretically everything about the birds and the bees, we didn't use a condom. Luckely she did not became pregnant...
She was very sweet and tender...
But alas about 1 month later she broke up for another boy, a classmate of my. She later, on a reunion of School, confessed to me, that I was a better lover and that she regret breaking up with me.
After that first time, it took a few years and a lot of masturbation sessions later, before I had my second real sex experience. It was with the same boy (or man than) I fumbled around earlier on. We kept contact all these years. He called himself gay and had a boyfriend. One evening while I was visiting them, and after we had some beers and a joint, the conversation switched to talk about our previous sexual experiences. He suggested to do it again. Since I was quite horny, I agreed with it. Before I noticed it, he was sucking my dick and I was masturbating his boyfriend. He also teached me how to give a blow job, which was not unpleasant to do. The only thing that I appreciated a bit less, was that he ejaculated in my mouth, without giving me a notice. After giving a demonstration of anal sex, by him getting fucked in the ass by his boyfriend, he asked me if he may fuck me too. He first lubricated my ass and put a finger in it, than he placed his dick against my anus, and slowly let it glide in. His boyfriend sucked my dick, and let me come in his mouth. It was a nice evening. I enjoyed it and sometimes in my fantasies while masturbating, also sex with a man pops up. But the majority of my fantasies are about woman and kinky sex. I don't think that I can fall in love with a man like I, (too?) often do with woman. I therefor do not call myself bisexual, but bi-curious.
The next time with a woman, was again a lot of years, porn-movies and magazines, later. It was in 1997 while I was in my last year of my study. It was a one-night stand with a girl I met. It was great, but there was no real love.
About a year later, I met my wife. We met via the internet, she mailed me with a question about my website. We first mailed a bit back-and-forth, and after a few weeks she asked me if I would like to come over to her. We did not live close to each other, so it was for a weekend. The first night of our first date we already had sex. Just like the next few dates.
But after some time, it started to decrease in frequency. She told me that it was not my problem but that of her, in her previous relation she was forced to have sex. She told me that her ex-boyfriend called he frigid. She disliked sex, but had sex with me for me.
After a few months she moved in with me. Since I cared for her, and still do, we contacted a sexologist to help her. We have seen that guy for almost two years, in which we got some guidance and exercises to do, but he was more a psychologist for her. In 1999 we married, and in 2000 we started to try to get a child. She didn't get pregnant. Some investigation of us both, which brought back traumatic experiences for her at the time she was for a long time in the hospital as a child, it turned out that the problem was located with me. I did not make enough prostatic fluid, due to which my sperms were exhausted by the time they reached the uturus. I was given the advise to masturbate, cum in a petri-dish add synthetic prostatic fluid, and inseminate my wife with that. That helped and in january 2002 our son was born. However this did not make me feel more man...
After our son was born, the frequency of intimacy had dropped to about once every half year. And currently it is over 4 or 5 years ago we had sex.
Even while writing this down, I have to cry big tears inside... It hurts me so, that I am full of love for her, but that I cannot give it to her, and that I also miss the warmth and the intimacy of her.
We talked about this more than once, or rather more and more quarreled about it. I don't want to force her to have sex while she does not want to, but I also reminded her to her marital vows. I asked her if she would find it a good deal that I would go to a prostitute now and then, but she was against that. About me having sex with another woman, with her knowing, she changes her mind every time. Sometimes she says that she would understand it, and on another moment she is against it.
In the meantime my frustration and horniness does increase and increase.
My wife says she does not like sex, she has no need for sex, she has no sexual fantasies and due to my growing frustration, due to which I sometimes, unwillingly, react a bit bitchy to her, she does not feel for it to just lay on her back and letting me fuck her. To be short, it is a vicious circle, and I would love to break out of it.
But that is enough of that for now. It may be clear that my current, actual, physical sex life is not as it should be, or at least how I want it to be. The rest of our relationship is more or less ok. We form a good team, we do the household together.
My psychologist, and also others who I trust and who I told a bit of this all, say that I just should find a nice girl or woman with who I can have sex now and than, just for the sex, so that my frustration and stress levels drop, which also improves the relationship with my wife.
Up to now, I did not want to commit adultery, because on one hand I want to stay loyal to my wife and on the other hand I am afraid for a confrontation with her when she finds out or when I tell her about it.
I have had the change, more than once, to have sex with a girl, but conscience is too strong and withhold me from it.
One time was in the sauna. Based on that occasion I wrote an erotic story. Part of it really happened, that is up to the fact that I fingered her, but the rest only happened in my fantasy. I originally wrote it in Dutch.
Adventure in the sauna
It had been a busy day at work and at home. But tomorrow and the day after I was free, and after that it was weekend. To start these four days relaxed, I went to the sauna. Fortunately, the sauna is located at the end of my street, so the threshold to go is low. With a good mood, I pulled the door shut behind me. On this October day was dark early. The sky was partly cloudy and a nearly full moon shone through them.
Arrived in the sauna I undressed me, put my clothes in a locker and hit my towel around my waist. Moments later I sat in the sauna, it was a quiet evening. I saw three people in the pool, there were some people sitting at the foot bath and in the sauna only four other people, five including myself. But it was half past eight and the sauna is open until midnight.
After a few minutes and a good sweat, I stepped out of the sauna, hung my towel on a hook, and walked into the pool and swam from the inside out.
At nine o'clock I saw two women arrive, giggling.
I spent no further attention to them. After about half hour hanging around in the pool and the outdoor hot tub I lay relaxed in a hammock chair, when I heard the two woman roar with laughter in the indoor hot tub, just out of my sight.
Since I could use some laughing, I walked to the hot tub and joined them. They sat there with two other men. The youngest of the women soon began making sexually explicit jokes. She hung on her back, her buttocks at the edge of the Jacuzzi, and she said that she like the water jet to massage her hole on the front, but also her behind, and that she was sorry that it could not massage both simultaneously. While she said this, she looked at us, the three men, with eyes asking for seed. The other woman, who was older, soon proved the be her second mother. She let her daughter be as horny as she was, but according to me, she also was in the mood for some hot stuff.
When the bubbling stopped, the youngest went to the showers. She took scrub salt and began to scrub her self. I followed her. Given her earlier comments in the hot tub, I made the comment that scrubbing yourself is fine, but it's always a pity that you can not do your own back, and I offered to scrub her back. She agreed to that. I took a big hand of scrub salt and began scrubbing her back, from her shoulders down. Her creamy white skin felt nice and soft. She was a little put, but she still had a great figure. My cock was quite stiff, something that I do not tend to have in the sauna. In the meantime I arrived at her lower back, I doubted a little, but gave my horniness priority. With both hands I scrubbed and massaged her pale and lovely round buttocks. She did not protest, she even leaned slightly forward, so that I could get easier in all folds. I had no scrub salt left in my hand, but a good massage could not hurt. After her buttocks, I started to do her legs, for which I sat down on one knee. She spread her legs a little, so I got a look at her pussy. I saw her labia were a bit open, and her labia minora , which protruded a bit, were pretty red.
After the scrubbing and massage, she turned around and grabbed a handful of scrub salt. She now began to scrub my back. Quickly she dropped down to my buttocks. Almost automatically I put my feet a little apart. I felt her hand between my anal cleft, and felt her fingers touch my scrotum. Suddenly her hand slipped around my waist and grabbed my cock. She made gave me a quick pull, and then let go of it again.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me along. We joined her mother in the outdoor jacuzzi. From the look in her eyes I could understand that she knew about what had happened and what was coming.
The first few minutes in the hot tub nothing out of the ordinary happened, we just chit chatted a bit. I asked their names. The youngest woman was called Bianca, a good name for a pale, Dutch, little bit put young woman. Her mother was called Ingrid. Bianca her full breast danced a bit up and down moved by the bubbles. I noticed she had a tongue piercing. I asked her whether the rumors about tongue piercings were real. She smiled and asked which rumors I meant. The one that a tongue piercing made certain acts even more delightful, I replied. A quick twinkle, as far as I could see in the sparse moonlight, went through her eyes. She said that she her self never had the pleasure to feel it for herself. With that reply , she switched from subject and asked whether I would like to massage her shoulders and back a bit more. In order to do this, I squized myself behind her, and put my legs around her. She moved a bit to gave me some space to fit behind her. My, again , erected cock touched her back, but stayed covered below the bubbles. I started to massage her neck, shoulders and back. I smelled her scent. I suddenly felt she moved her arm. A second later I felt her hand, behind her back, grab my dick. She moved her hand up and down, it felt very good. With my left hand, I kept on massaging her neck, while I moved my right hand down along her arm. I stroked the side of her breast, and moved further down. Het soft and bit chubby belly moved slowly due to the bubbling water. From her belly, my hand moved lower still, down to her pussy. I saw in the shower, that she was nicely shaven. Her mons pubis was nice and smooth. With my fingers I fumbled her labia. She reacted with a soft moan. My arm was just not long enough to reach her vagina, so I only could stroke her labia and play with her clitoris.
After a few minutes she turned her head around and whispered in my ear Sex, No Love, and then asked whether I would like to join her to the darkroom. She pointed to the back part of the garden, out of sight of the sauna staff. This was a real decent sauna, where officially no sex was allowed, I didn't know what penalty there would be if they would catch us. But my horniness won of my fear and I agreed. I answered her question with a nod. Again that horny twinkle reappeared in her eyes.
Together we got out of the hot tub, she smiled at her mother, as if she hooked up a trophy. Ingrid, her mother, winked at me with a look of pleasure. Bianca quickly grabbed her towel from a chair, and together we walked to the darkroom. This piece of garden lay behind a hedge, to get there we passed through a small gate. There were some chairs set up, for sunbathers, but they all where gone now. On this October evening we were all alone there, and there was only a faint glow of a streetlight over the fence that separated the garden from the street.
Bianca led me to a chair in the darkest corner of the garden. I saw only a shadow of her body. She laid her towel on the chair and sat down on the side. I sat down beside her and I slipped my hands on her back and her breasts. She stretched her neck so I could reach everywhere. I bowed my head down and took one of her nipples into my mouth. Her nipples were warm and stood stiffly forward. With my tongue I could feel the grooves of her nipple.
Meanwhile, my hand moved from her breasts and down over her nice soft belly. She spread her legs wide even before I had passed her navel. My hand slipped between her legs and started massaging her pussy with my fingers, I pushed her lips apart and felt her very wet vagina. Without any effort I pushed two fingers into her. I heard her moan slightly. With a good rhythm I moved my fingers in and out of her. I pulled my mouth from her nipple, and bowed deeply until my hair touched her thigh. I smelled her perfume. I pulled my finger from her slit, and put them in my mouth. Her pussy juice tasted delicious salty. I could no longer stop it. I stepped off the chair, went on my knees, pushed her legs further apart, and buried my face in her crotch. My tongue went back and forth between her lips, and touched her clitoris. Occasionally, I stuck my tongue deep I her vagina. I could feel she stretched her back, and she moaned growled softly. My dick almost bursted from horniness.
With a gentle push I let her know that she had to lie back, now I could put my hand into her anal cleft, while I still licked her. I let my fingers slide between her anal cleft and with my thumb I made small circular motions around her star. Then I brought my hands under her buttocks and lifted her a little bit. I moved my tongue in her vagina to her ass. I hoped I could stick my cock in there as well. After a couple of circles with my tongue around and on her little brown star, I moved my tongue back into her vagina. I now put my finger on my right hand against her ass, and pushed gently. I could feel her ass open a bit and with a little bit of opposition, half my finger disappeared in her ass. I felt she twisted her hips of pure fun, and I heard little growls from her mouth.
I stood abruptly, and took her hands, I pulled her up. She looked at me and said that I was going to find out whether the rumors were true. She grabbed my cock and pulled it closer to her face. I felt her tongue on my gland. She moved her tongue in circles over my dick, which growed even bigger, until she took it in her mouth. I felt her tongue piercing on my cock, she stirred it around the edge of my gland. I'm circumcised, so it felt extra good. I could not help moan softly, and I put my hands on her head. Gently I pushed her head to my hips, she did not protest, and took my cock almost entirely in her mouth. Her tongue moved in half-circles on the underside of my cock back and forth. Her piercing felt wonderful. Now she moved her head back and forward. In her hand she held the base of my cock, she sucked great. I felt that this was not the first time she gave a man a blow-job.
Suddenly she decided it was time for action. She let my cock slip from her mouth, Turned a quarter, and was lying flat on the chair. She pulled her legs a little, and put feet on the side of the chair, with her hand, she grabbed my cock and pulled me to the chair. For the second time I forced myself not to say no, kneeled on the seat, and positioned my cock towards her pussy. Again she whispered softly Sex, no love. I slid my cock easily in her, I put my hands between her arms and breasts, and began to fuck her. I looked at her, in as much as the darkness allowed, and I smiled at her. She smiled back. I pushed hard again, and felt my gland touch her cervix. Suddenly I stopped, because I felt I was going to come. She also noticed it too. She whispered that it was oke, and that I may come in her. I resumed my pace, put it on, and stretched my muscles when I came. I deposited my cum inside her belly. I felt euphoric after my orgasm. I brought my head towards hers, and planted my lips on hers, and pressed my tongue against her lips. She apparently didn't mind, because she opened her lips, I tongue touched hers, I felt her tongue piercing. Occasionally, I moved my tongue over the sharp edges or her teeth. I had no french kissing since high school, and that was far behind me. All the girlfriends I'd had since, including my wife, did not like it. But this lady liked it very much.
Slowly I let my cock move in her pussy back and forth. After my orgasm it got slightly soft, but that could not spoil the fun. I felt her hands on my hips, and she pushed me gently out of her pussy. She turned and went on her knees in front of me, and laid her head on her arms on the chair. I sat a bit upright, took my dick in my hands and masturbated it bit stiffer, with my other hand I stroked her pussy and ran my thumb over her little brown star. After a few seconds my cock was standing proudly upright again, and I pushed him back deep in her pussy, so it got nicely lubricated nice juices. I felt she removed her hand from under her head, and that she was fingering her. My cock felt nice and smooth now, I took it out of her pussy, and brought it to her ass. With my cock I pushed gently against her anus. It slowly opened and my cock slid in until it was almost completely burried in her ass. I fantasized many times of this, but never done it. And now, here, I was fucking this horny chick in her ass. I picked her up in her side and fucked in her ass as if my life depended on it. I saw in the dim light that she had turned her head sideways, and she was enjoying this delicious, anal fuck.
Suddenly she gave me a tap on my leg and pointed to the rear. I saw that another guest of the sauna entering this part of the garden to cool down. I could not tell if he saw us. I guessed he did. The man paused, then turned again and walked past the hedge back to the sauna. Bianca whispered that she found it exciting, and I actually did too.
Slowly I picked up the rhythm again and thrust my dick in her asshole. It felt so nice. Bianca whispered that she wanted to sit on top of me and pushed me gently backwards. She stepped off the chair, and I went on my back lying on the chair. She knelt beside me and grabbed my cock, bowed her head and let it slip into her mouth. Again I felt blessed enjoyment of the piercing. I was now certain that the rumor was true. My cock was now stiffer than ever before. As she moved her lips along the shaft of my cock, now and then I felt her teeth gently across my skin.
When she found it stiff enough, she stepped backwards over me. With her hand she brought my cock to her ass, and let it slip back inside. Her ass was still a bit open, so it was now easy. She put her hands next to my side and let my dick upto my scrotum inside her. Now she dictated the rhythm and it went pretty fast and deep. With my hands I kneaded her breasts and I fingered her pussy, which now also stood wide open and was super wet. I moved my ring and middle fingers in and out of her vagina, and my thumb gave joy to her clit. I soon heard her sigh. I felt my balls began to contract and getting ready for spraying their contents deep into her bowels. I started fingering her even harder, I stuffed my little finger and index finger in her pussy too. After a few moments she arched her back and felt her vaginal muscles straining around my fingers, and she came with a muffled cry. I felt her holy juices spat against my hand. It made me so horny that I could not resist my own orgasm any longer. Every muscle in my body strained again and I squirted my seed in to her intestines.
After a few moments of recuperation, she let my cock pop out of her ass. I grabbed her hips and pulled her back so her pussy was over my face. I started licking her like crazy. I gave gentle pets on her buttocks. Her pussy was so wet that my whole face was covered in a mix of her juices and my semen.
Suddenly Bianca asked if I would like a shower. I replied that I did it as long as it was a golden. She smiled and stepped away from me and the chair, and sat on her knees in the grass. I stood up and layed down, making sure my face was positioned under her pussy. I felt her legs softly pressing against my head. A warm golden jet of pee pelted my face, hair and upper body. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth. I let her salty piss in my mouth and swallowed it. Another dream had come true. So many times I had dreamed of doing this, and now I did it. Her pee tasted delicious. After about half a minute she was empty, and only a few drops fell on my face. I pressed my face up, and licked her pussy lips and pubic area clean.
Now it was my turn. She remained seated on her knees. I felt I had urine in my bladder, but I could not pee immediately. I pressed and suddenly succeeded. With a pretty bow I let my piss hit her face. Bianca opened her mouth, and I focused my beam on her mouth. Her tongue piercing, glinted in the darkness, so that was a good target. She also occasionally swallowed my pee. I felt my bladder emptied and my jet was weaker. I took a step forward so I still could piss on her face. She wiped her mouth with her hand, like she just a nice glass of beer. Then she stood up gave me a kiss. She thanked me for this horny evening, and said she would be back next week, and that she wanted to be sandwiched. I whispered in her ear that I liked a foursome with her mother too. She smiled, picked up her towel, and together we walked back to the sauna. It had now become really quiet. Her mother was still in the hot tub alone. We plunged into her, she asked how it was, I told her she had a great horny daughter. And I would be back again for sure next week. I slid my hand on her thigh and Ingrid let him slide between her legs, towards her crotch. She did not stop me, and spread her legs. I could easily her fingers a bit. I asked if I could fuck her next week. She turned her head, smiled and said you do think she got her horniness from a stranger...
And now I count down the days until it is wednesday again. I hope that it will be another horny adventure as this beautiful October evening.
As you can read my fantasy is full of kinkiness. Other fantasies I have are about bondage, soft BDSM, gang bangs and fucking in public places. Also having sex with a couple bubbles up in my mind now and then. I fantasize than that first we sandwich her, after which, while I fuck her, the man of the couples sneaks behind me, and starts fucking me in the ass, and thus that the couple sandwiches me...
I hope, some way or the other, my sex life improves and I can bring some (or all) of my kinky fantasies into practice. In the mean time, I masturbate while exploring my fantasy, or while watching a nice porn movie or chatting with woman and couples on internet sites. I also posted some photos and videos of myself. I enjoy the idea that others are watching me, and maybe masturbate on it...
For now... big kiss and good licks...
J. v. d. V.
posted by Hypatia Theon @ 10:38 PM
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